Marriage Reveals Jesus • 1 Peter 3:1-7

38:48 Teaching begins

Notes

Sin reduces marriage to something painful and hard.

You have two unequal parties entering into a lifelong contract. One of those parties is the boss and is going to use strength to get his or her way.

You get into it because of love, but it turns into conflict and enslavement.

In the beginning God made marriage to reveal Himself in this world. You have three people all submitting to one another and loving one another. That is, a husband, a wife, and God. Three in one. That is who God is.

When you submit to Jesus, then He works to reclaim your marriage for Himself, that it might reflect His goodness. Even if you are the only believer.

We are reading in 1 Peter chapter 3.

1. Peter calls everybody to submit to everybody.

A. Do you see that in verse 7 Peter says to the husbands, “In the same way”? Just like the wives. So the question is, in the same way as what?

B. This goes back to chapter 2: 13-15.

1. Submit yourselves to every human institution. God has established a hierarchy of order in the world that we are to submit to as unto Him. Slaves that are to submit to their masters because they submit to Jesus Christ first, and then to their masters by the will of God.

2. So in marriage the wife and the husband are to submit themselves to Jesus Christ first, and then to each other by the will of God.

C. In our next section Peter sums it all up: all of you, be submitted to one another. Essentially that’s what he is saying. He’s talked about submitting to government, slaves submitting to their masters, now he’s showing how submission to Jesus works in marriage.

D. And submission really does work in marriage. As we will see, marriage doesn’t work any other way. Unless it follows the biblical pattern, marriage is painful and tends to slavery and oppression. So let’s look at the biblical pattern.

2. Wives are to submit to their own husbands. 

A. It means to subject oneself to another’s authority.

B. Just as in the case for slavery, even if the husband is not a believer.

1. This happens all the time. The wife hears about Jesus, she believes, and it might even be because she is desperate about her home life. Her husband is a tough guy, proud, strong. He doesn’t need the religion of women and children. He’s not weak. He’s strong. And he’s stubborn.

2. You think to yourself, I got married so I wouldn’t be alone, and I’m more alone in my marriage than I’ve ever been!

C. But you are not alone. Jesus is with you. It’s part of His name, who He is. He is with you. He is always with you. You know He is your life, He loves you. Even in your marriage that seems awfully alone, you are never alone.

D. Now you are to submit to Jesus right where you are at, in your marriage, because He has a greater purpose for your life.

1. Before Christ your purpose was, I want to be happy. Your purpose in getting married was I want to be happy.

2. But now that you are in Christ you have a greater purpose, to make Jesus happy. When your Lord is happy, then you are happy.

3. You can’t submit to abuse or physical violence, because that’s not Jesus. He wouldn’t beat you up. You have biblical grounds for getting out of that marriage, like unfaithfulness, adultery.

4. But apart from those things, there is a greater purpose than your happiness, and that is, Jesus wants His kingdom to extend further than to you. He wants to reach the ones around you, your own family. He wants to win your unbelieving husband to Himself. Ultimately Jesus wants His kingdom to come into every aspect of your life.

3. Wives, God wants you to be persuasive with your beauty.

A. Women want to be beautiful. Men want women to be beautiful. But what is the definition of beautiful?

B. Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. The true beauty of a woman is inward holiness.

C. There are several problems with outward beauty.

1. It’s genetic. That means not all women can be outwardly beautiful. You win the genetic lottery, or you lose. And if you lose, that’s it for your life. There are no second tries.

2. Outward beauty is temporary. Even if you win the genetic lottery, it’s only good for a time. Then age and gravity set in and it’s gone. You can try to postpone the inevitable with surgery, botox. But it’s a losing fight. Outward beauty is deceitful and passing.

3. If you are acceptable for your outward beauty, you can also be rejected when you lose that beauty. Trophy wives get thrown away all the time.

D. Here is the true beauty, says Peter, because it’s really beautiful and it’s really desirable: chaste, reverent, a quiet and gentle spirit.

1. Chaste is from a Greek word that is close in meaning to holy. It originally meant inspiring awe. It means pure, free from everything that corrupts and cheapens and degrades.

2. Fear is that awesome reverence towards God, not towards people. The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever. It inspires right living, beautiful living.

3. Quiet means tranquil. Still, not agitated, not looking for a fight. Rest, peace. You have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your soul. So the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, because I am satisfied. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. There is stillness, peace that isn’t anxious, worried, somehow I’m in danger, I’m not going to get what I need. The Lord is my Shepherd, and He takes care of me.

4. Gentle means humble. Not worried about myself, free to think on others. Every good thing comes from humility: love, patience, obedience, joy.

5. All these words describe the Lord Jesus. He is pure, He has that awesome fear of the Lord, He Himself is our peace. He is gentle and humble in heart.

E. All this is described as the hidden person of the heart, but it’s meant to be seen outwardly. Jesus is meant to be seen in your life so your unbelieving husband can see what God really looks like. And God is beautiful.
F. The point is to win your husband.

1. This will take time. You husband has to see the change and live with it.

2. You might have some bad characteristics to live down. You might have scolded your husband or nagged him because it was the only way to get him moving. But now you don’t do that. You do what is right, even if you suffer for it. This finds favour with God.

4. Peter’s example for all this is Sarah, Abraham’s wife.

A. By Abraham’s account she was beautiful. He said to her, you’re so beautiful that I’m afraid they will kill me for you, and you’ll live. So tell everyone you’re my sister.

B. She obeyed him, and Pharoah took her into his harem. She was 60 when this happened. It happened again when she was 89. Abimelech king of Gerar took her into his harem. None of his guys were saying, “Really? She’s 89. Are you serious?” She was beautiful. But she obeyed her husband even when he was acting out of fear, not trust in the Lord.

C. Both times God protected her.

1. He plagued Pharoah, and He gave Abimelech a dream in which He said, “You are a dead man, because you have taken a married woman.” Now Abimelech had not come near her; and he said, “Lord, will You slay a nation, even though blameless? Did he not himself say to me, ‘She is my sister’? And she herself said, ‘He is my brother.’ In the integrity of my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this.” Then God said to him in the dream, “Yes, I know that in the integrity of your heart you have done this, and I also kept you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not let you touch her. Now therefore, restore the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not restore her, know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours.” Genesis 20:4- 7

2. While Sarah was obeying Abraham she was committing herself to the Lord. She trusted first in the Lord. And the Lord covered her, protected her, looked out for her better than Abraham did.

C. Sarah had to have her own relationship with the Lord. Yes, she was married to the man who had the eternal covenant of God, but she had to trust God for herself.

5. This brings up the reason why wives do not submit to their husbands: because they are afraid.

A. If I trust my husband, who is out for himself, what is going to happen to me? I’m not going to get my needs met. I’m going to be in financial danger, I’m at risk. Somehow, I’m going to lose. So the husband is thinking about himself, and the wife thinks about herself, and there they are, chained together and fighting for their individual survival.

B. You who believe in Jesus, your old life died with Jesus on the cross. You are raised from the dead with Him. Your life does not depend on your husband. Just like Sarah, you trust in God to block for you and protect you and take care of you. When you do that you are like Sarah, a holy woman, a saint.

6. Husbands are also to submit to their wives, or else. Did you notice that?

A. Husbands are to submit to their wives, defer to them, seek their good first.

B. This is in total agreement with the Apostle Paul. Ephesians 5:25-33 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

C. Husbands are to live with their wives in an understanding way. This is a way learned by experience. Study your wife. What does she like, what does she not like. Do what she likes, don’t do what she doesn’t like. If she doesn’t want intimacy, don’t take it personally. Make her happy and you will make yourself happy. Lay down your life for her means, give her the good stuff first. See if you can satisfy her needs and wants.

D. The reality is, she is a weaker vessel. She is not just like a guy with longer hair. She is profoundly different from you, and it’s okay. You have more physical strength than she does, but strength doesn’t decide anything anymore. You can’t be impatient with her because she doesn’t keep up with you. You have one speed, she has another. Together you have a new speed, which God is well aware of. He’s okay with you being together, so find that new speed and cherish it, because that’s your new speed.

E. She has an equal standing with you in the kingdom of God. She is not a second-class citizen. She might know God better than you do. So you give her that honour and respect. Love her. If she really knew that you lay down your life for her, would she have a problem submitting to you?

F. If you don’t treat your wife right, God is not going to listen to your prayers.

1. Have you ever thought that one reason God is not blessing you is because you are treating your wife badly? Your prayers are literally cut down like a tree. A cut-down tree can’t produce fruit. You can’t ignore your wife and still be spiritual. I’m going to serve the Lord! No, you’re not. Do what He says.

2. This means that your wife is not a low priority that you can ignore. She is just below God. This is His priority. Just as Jesus loved the church and laid down His life for her. After the Father, the church is the highest priority for Jesus.

3. When your priorities are right, then God will listen to your prayers. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33.

G. God will listen to your prayers and He will bless. Your marriage will be a complex unity of love, joy, peace that all people can see. Both sides submitting to one another, no one getting the short end of the stick, no one being oppressed or manipulated. God will be visible in your marriage.

7. So what?

A. Our lives are to be holy to the Lord, and therefore, our marriages are to reflect who we are.

1. Wives, you are to be holy women. You are to have a relationship with Jesus. Do you have that? Are you pursuing Jesus?

2. Husbands, you are to be holy men. Are you seeking Jesus?

B. God wants us to obey His commands that we have been considering right now. Put the command for you into effect. You are responsible for obeying your command, not making the other person obey their command. You don’t wait until the other person makes a move, because if you do it but the other one doesn’t, you lose.

C. There can be real conflict in a marriage. This is a different way to win that conflict.

1. In the world it depends on who has the power. It’s who has the sharper tongue. Who has the most strength. Who can force one’s will on the other. In conflict there is one winner and one loser. That is not God’s way.

2. When you love Jesus and obey Him you are not a loser. You are overcoming this world. The real issue that you must overcome in your life is believing and trusting and glorifying Jesus by living like Him. Will you overcome in the power of Jesus or will you be overcome? Will you love and forgive and be merciful, or will you fight for dominance and be bitter?

D. If you do what Jesus says, then you are not part of the problem, you are part of the solution. You are out of God’s way. And now the way to the other person is open. Otherwise, God will deal first with your stubbornness and unforgiveness. You really want to get out of God’s way.

E. You single people need to pursue your relationship with Jesus right now so you have something to bring into your marriage in the future. People want to substitute a relationship for Jesus, as if a relationship is going to solve all problems. All the relationships you will have will be with sinners. It’s going to be harder, not easier. So what you need is to pursue the Lord right now. Press into Him because you need to bring Him into all your relationships.

F. Persevere in your marriage and do not give up. Do not be afraid. Have the Lord Jesus in your life and your marriage.

Let’s pray.